Free To Be... You And Me?

“Let our pupil be taught that he does not belong to himself, but that he is public property”. - Benjamin Rush

That is not a popular sentiment anymore. We are a very individualistic people. Our individual rights are felt to be paramount, even if the law or society says otherwise. I blame it all on Marlo Thomas and Free to Be ... You and Me. For those of you who were not a child or a parent in the 70’s, that was “a record album and illustrated songbook for children featuring songs and stories from celebrities… Using poetry, songs, and sketches to salute values such as individuality, tolerance, and happiness with one's identity.” It seemed a good idea at the time, but I’m afraid we have taken it too far.

I was once teaching one of those “Free” youngsters in the 80’s. She was a high school freshman and for some long-forgotten reason, one day at Band Camp she lost it. She became furious, cursing, screaming and threatening violence over some perceived slight. She had to be sent home and suspended. That was not the problem, that can happen anywhere, or anytime.

What happened next scared me. I sat down with the rest of the group, including her sister, and explained that it would be all right, the young woman would be able to return and that it would be forgotten as long as it did not happen again. They explained that was just the way she was, that was who she was. I explained, reasonably I thought, that that was fine, but that in school or any social situation that was not tolerated. Then one of them looked directly at me and asked sincerely, “You mean you want her to CHANGE?” That’s when I first knew we had a real problem.

There has to be some middle ground for the individual, somewhere between being “public property” and “free to be me.” We must consider that we live among others and that requires certain adjustments.

Lynn Truss is an extremely entertaining professional complainer. She achieved fame with
Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation. Then she wrote Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of Everyday Life (or Six Good Reasons to Stay Home and Bolt the Door.) Lynn is not a very positive person, she earns her living complaining about how bad things are. She is very insightful, but she just doesn’t extend her research or opinions into the world of solution. She is more inclined to “stay home and bolt the door.” However there is a typical Truss paragraph I would like to quote:

“Whatever happened to consideration?” we cry. Well, the prerequisite of consideration is the ability to imagine being someone other than oneself, and that is a bit of a lost cause.

I think she gives up too easily. We need to encourage and teach that concept. We need to try to understand what the other person is thinking and why they are thinking it, before we assert our individuality. That is consideration. I believe we have an obligation (social and moral) to be considerate in this way. It is an extension of the Golden Rule.

“Walk a mile in my shoes is good advice. Our children will learn to respect others if they are used to imagining themselves in another's place.” - Neil Kurshan

“Oh wad some power the giftie gie us To see oursel's as others see us!” – Robert Burns